The Sin of "Being Good"

Most of my adolescent and young adult life I worked hard at avoiding sin or at least covering it up.  Sin created much fear in my life.  Fear of being exposed and people seeing the “bad” in me.  Sin created a great deal of guilt and shame in my life.  What if they know who I really am or what I am really thinking or what I have really done?  The pressure I felt to be this “good girl” caused me to work hard at being good and work even harder at not letting the bad be exposed.

Looking back on my past, God has given me the ability to now see that I had a very distorted definition of sin. I viewed sin as outward behaviors and went a step further to neatly categorize it in a hierarchy system which created greater justification in my life.  After all, I was the “good girl” and never really did anything “too bad.”  I became self righteous in not doing bad things and working hard at the good things (being moral, going to church, using my manners, being polite, helping others, on and on).  This idea of “trying not to sin” and when I do covering it up with the good, religious things eventually became a vicious cycle leading to even greater fear, guilt and shame in my life.

It was not until I began to understand the extent of my depravity and very nature of my sin that my life completely changed.  It was not until the Lord allowed me to hear and to see and to begin to comprehend the fullness of His grace that I experienced freedom from my sin of being good.  It was not until I was able to proclaim that I am dirty and wicked and hopeless within, but despite me I get the sufficient grace of my Lord and Savior.  There is nothing I can do or not do to change this very fact.

My Heavenly Father has been gracious to show me this, but I still struggle with the sin of being good.  I still do “good things” out of pride or desire to be noticed or needed rather than from the overflow of my heart.  However, despite my sin, God’s grace is greater.  I receive much peace in knowing that by grace I have been saved despite the evil and darkness of my heart.  I am overwhelmed by grace.  It is a word that is used daily in my home.  It brings much joy to me to hear my two year old beg for grace when he is about to get a time out or spanking or for my four year old tell me that he wants grace even though he doesn’t deserve it.  May the Lord be gracious to continue to reveal to me of my sin of being good and continue to free me and give me a heart that desires good for His name sake. 

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Below is an excerpt from Paul David Tripp’s book “a Shelter in the time Of Storm”

“Its effect [sin] is so pervasive and so comprehensive that it influences everything we do and everything we say.  It causes us to think, desire, choose, say and do things that are the polar opposite of the way we were created to function…And we don’t love God with our whole hearts.  No, we put creation in His place.  We’d rather have the temporary pleasure of physical things than the eternal satisfaction that can be found only in Him.  Sin causes us to place ourselves at the center of our universe.  Sin causes us to be obsessed with what we feel, what we want, and what we think we need.  

In light of the fact that sin brings all of us to the point that we exhale violence in some from at some time, it’s amazing how much peace and cooperation exist in our relationships.  What’s the explanation for this apparent contradiction?  It can be said in one word: grace.  There’s not a day where you and yours are not protected by the most powerful, protective, and beneficial force in the universe – the grace of God.  

…You see, you only ever begin to really celebrate grace when you begin to understand how deep and pervasive the effects of sin are.  As Jesus said when that woman washes His feet with her hair, ‘The one who has been forgiven much, loves much.’

Take time to consider the ravages of sin on us all, because when you do, you’ll leave with a deeper appreciation of grace than you’ve ever had.  And that appreciation won’t only cause praise to come out of your mouth, but it will also change the way you live.”

Come Quickly

December 6, 2010

“Come quickly sweet Jesus” was the cry of many hearts tonight as we heard Matt plead before God in a very real and urgent way.  Leaving church tonight my heart was heavy and longing for the return of Jesus.  There is something about this Christmas season that is exciting and joyful, but at the same time for me it seems to be a season when the brokenness of this fallen world is very transparent.  God is so gracious to draw me near and comfort me with the Hope of the gospel when I become overwhelmed by the consequences of the sin in this world, but at the same time He is gracious to allow me to feel the weight of sin and to hurt alongside the suffering.  So as I long and cry for Jesus to come quickly, I wait and pray and petition for the hurting and suffering He has given me the privilege to know and has laid on my heart…

• A single dad raising two boys who were both born with a rare syndrome, one of which has very noticeable and handicapping symptoms, sit in their apartment tonight wondering if the eviction notice will be on the door in the morning.   This is an all too familiar scene as it happens on a regular basis.  When it’s not rent it is food when it is not food it is gas when it is not gas it is phone calls explaining to the doctor that he didn’t have the gas money to make it to the appointment once again and dealing with the guilt and shame of setting your sons surgery back another six months. 
•  Family after family living with a special needs a child.  An 8 year old who can’t talk or walk or dress himself but understands so much or a 16 year old who desires the normalcy of high school but is trapped inside this body that is so physically limiting.  Moms and dads who never get breaks from dressing and feeding  and toileting and never get to hear “I love yous” or watch their child take their first step or play soccer or go on their first date or off to college.  Day’s consisting of therapy sessions and doctors appointments and a constant struggle of trying to find the balance of caring for a completely dependent child and not missing out on the lives of their “normal” children.    
•  A family so grateful that their 2 year old daughter is in remission.  That her brain cancer is gone but every day faced with the side effects of that surgery which saved their daughter’s life.  Their only child has a portion of her brain gone and now faced with the very real fact that it is going to take her a long time to walk or talk.   
•    A single mom living in her one bed room apartment with bars around the outside and water dripping down from the above apartment and cracks in the windows.  Everyday facing the fact that she lives in condemned apartments but can do nothing about it.  If she makes any reports then the apartments are shut down and her family along with all the other residents are on the streets.   A Landlord who is aware of this predicament and uses it to his advantage.
• Timothy, a 16 year old boy that is daily faced with the reality and the weight of knowing that he just has 2 more years.  2 more years and he turns 18 and ages out of the system.  2 more years to find his “forever parents” but the chances of that are not looking too promising.  Move after move and the only constant in his life is his wallet with a very outdated picture of his younger brother.  Just the time he settles into to a place, it is time to move again.  A lifetime of detachment, medication,  abuse, neglect, rejection, yet another diagnosis and new medication, rages, restraints, foster parents that lock you out of your house, residential treatment facilities, roommates, and on and on the list goes.  
• A father-in-law who has left his family.  A father-in-law that feels as though what he has done is so “bad” that he can never be forgiven.   A father-in-law that is buried so deep in pride and guilt and shame that he has yet to meet his grandsons.  A father-in-law who has not tasted the love and grace of our Savior. 

As I process through the weightiness of this, I find comfort in knowing that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18).  I find much hope in knowing that my powerful and mighty Savior is returning and redeeming this broken, fallen world to Himself!  I find much peace in knowing that one day there will not be a place for starvation or abuse or eviction notices or condemned apartments or communication devices or wheelchairs or feeding tubes or CPS or chemotherapy or adultery or pain or suffering or tears.  One day we will be with Jesus in all His glory.  Until then, we pray and struggle and persevere and do life well all the while crying out “come quickly sweet Jesus.”