Monday, October 17, 2011

Our Fostering Story: Part 1


We are seven months into our first experience as a foster family.  Within two months the future of the sweet baby girl we have been entrusted to care for will be determined.  This process has been difficult for me emotionally but the Lord has shown us His hand in all of it and has reminded us of His steadfast love often.   My desire is to honestly share our experience throughout this process with others through my blog.  I haven’t exactly stayed on top of that, so I will make up for lost time (from the very start to now)…                                                                                                
I have always wanted to adopt.  This has been a desire the Lord has laid on my heart for as long as I can remember.  Jeremy and I knew that we would someday adopt but we were not sure what that process would look like.  Within the past few years of being in the field of pediatric home health I treated many children who were adopted from foster care.  I asked many questions and just learned more about the process.  As we learned more it became clear that to adopt, particularly younger children through CPS, you have to be willing to foster first.  We were not exactly sure what we were getting into and were scared by the statistics but nonetheless we started the process.  Months of training, preparing our home and preparing our boys we finally became a licensed foster home in March.  Five days later, we received our first call from our agency to be placed with an 8 month old baby girl.  I took the call and without hesitation said “yes!” (they train you in class to be prepared to give an answer on the spot.  “I need to pray about it” does not suffice since you have already spent months praying about it.  Jeremy and I were on the same page though as to what age range we would take, so I felt confident in the decision).  A few hours later, we were sitting around our kitchen table talking to many strangers while holding this beautiful baby girl who was sleep deprived and wearing a ragged blue onsie.   It was a numbing experience, one you really can’t describe.  I didn’t know what to do, but just love this baby the best I could.  I had so many questions, and yet there were not many answers.  Does she take a pacifier, can she hold her bottle, does she like to be held, does she sleep through the night, what are we doing???  God was gracious to allow all the pieces to fall in place and quickly reveal to us how to care for this baby.  He instantly knitted our family together.  The boys quickly took on new roles and new bonds were formed.  The Lord truly placed this love on our heart for baby A.  I know without a doubt that it is from Him because it is not “normal” to be able to instantly love a child that is one day handed to you as much as you love your biological children that you carried for nine months, birthed, nursed and attended to their every need.                           
Quickly in, A became a vital part of our family.  It was as if she had always been a part of it.  The boys became protective big brothers and Layton took on (and has fully embraced) a new role as a middle child.  We have been there for many milestones.  We have watched her learn to walk and talk and sing and dance and get teeth and eat new foods.  And we have watched her develop her personality and as she has become aggressive in defense to the frequent tackles and shoves but yet be tender and gentle as she is always the first to comfort and kiss the boy’s boo boos.   We love the sound of her loud shouts and belly laughs that fills our home.  As time has passed and love has grown, we acknowledge that the Lord has allowed all of this.  He has allowed us to love “all in” knowing that He is our creator and protector of our hearts.  That even if she is in our home for a short time and that we will one day soon mourn her loss, this time has been fruitful.                                                                                                                                      
Another instrumental part of our fostering experience has been the weekly visits with the biological mother which started shortly after she was placed in our home.  The first time A went for a visit she was transported by the CPS caseworker.  This was difficult for me to hand my baby off to a complete stranger to go visit her mother.  This was really when I began to understand my role as foster mom.  This is when the Lord graciously reminded me that she isn’t mine, the she belongs to Him and that I must approach the situation with open hands.  The next week I took A to the visit and this was my first time to meet her mother.  I was very anxious about meeting her but deep down inside I was grateful for this opportunity.  Early on in the process as I learned about mom’s story my heart was deeply burdened for her.  Mom was also a product of foster care and I could only imagine the experiences she had had.  What if they were not great and that is all she knows and thinks that her baby is having similar experiences.   Weeks passed and every visit we had the opportunity to talk to mom and get to know her and encourage her.  As A’s first birthday approached, her mom and I were able to plan a party for her at a nearby park.  Two families from completely different cultures and backgrounds came together to celebrate the life of this baby.  The Lord gave us not only the opportunity to love on and celebrate with mom but her entire family.   We entered this process praying for the opportunity to minister to the biological family, but had no idea the doors that God would open (and we are praying will continue to open!).                                                                                                                                                                     
This process has been a whirlwind and I am anxious to see how this story plays out.  We are a foster to adopt home meaning that if the opportunity for adoption arises we will become a “forever family” for that child.  Although this is the desire for our family, the Lord has allowed us to understand our role as foster parents and with that our part in working towards the end goal of reunification.  Every since A has been in our home, I have not been able to pray specifically for adoption.  This is something we want but at the same time we are aware of the cost.  It is difficult for me to ask for adoption knowing that it only comes when the goal is not obtained.  We understand the reality that there will be great loss on either end.                                                                                                                                                                 
The Lord sustains us each day and we are resting in His sovereignty (some days better than others).  We know that He has all the days of A’s life perfectly planned out.  And even if those days do not consist of her being in our home and even if He is calling her to a difficult life, He has ordained these days she has been in our home and can use them for His glory.  He has heard our cries and pleads for her salvation and generational sin to be broken in her lifetime.  As the end is near and I have no idea how this all will play out and have absolutely no control or say in any of it.   We can only trust in Him.  As I rock her and pray and sing to her each night, I become overwhelmed and grateful for that day.   His mercies are new each day and have been felt, especially in the midst of paralyzing fear and sleepless nights.  We pray and covet prayers of perseverance and trust and protection. We pray that we would love her well even as we prepare our family for her return home.  We are grateful for those who have walked with us through this process.  For the wise counsel and sweet friends who have shed tears alongside us.  Regardless of how our future plays out, we will be forever grateful for the time the Lord has given us with this beautiful little girl and all that we have learned through this process.  

1 comment:

  1. You write beautifully, Stacy, about a very beautiful process. My prayers are with you in this incredible journey.

    Susan J.

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