Our Fostering Story: Part 1

We are seven months into our first experience as a foster
family.  Within two months the future of the
sweet baby girl we have been entrusted to care for will be determined.  This process has been difficult for me
emotionally but the Lord has shown us His hand in all of it and has reminded us
of His steadfast love often.   My desire is to honestly share our experience throughout
this process with others through my blog. 
I haven’t exactly stayed on top of that, so I will make up for lost time
(from the very start to now)…

                                                                                               



I have always wanted to adopt.  This has been a desire the Lord has laid on
my heart for as long as I can remember. 
Jeremy and I knew that we would someday adopt but we were not sure what
that process would look like.  Within the
past few years of being in the field of pediatric home health I treated many
children who were adopted from foster care. 
I asked many questions and just learned more about the process.  As we learned more it became clear that to
adopt, particularly younger children through CPS, you have to be willing to
foster first.  We were not exactly sure
what we were getting into and were scared by the statistics but nonetheless we
started the process.  Months of training,
preparing our home and preparing our boys we finally became a licensed
foster home in March.  Five days later,
we received our first call from our agency to be placed with an 8 month old
baby girl.  I took the call and without
hesitation said “yes!” (they train you in class to be prepared to give an
answer on the spot.  “I need to pray
about it” does not suffice since you have already spent months praying about
it.  Jeremy and I were on the same page
though as to what age range we would take, so I felt confident in the
decision).  A few hours later, we were
sitting around our kitchen table talking to many strangers while holding this
beautiful baby girl who was sleep deprived and wearing a ragged blue onsie.   It was
a numbing experience, one you really can’t describe.  I didn’t know what to do, but just love this
baby the best I could.  I had so many
questions, and yet there were not many answers. 
Does she take a pacifier, can she hold her bottle, does she like to be
held, does she sleep through the night, what are we doing???  God was gracious to allow all the pieces to
fall in place and quickly reveal to us how to care for this baby.  He instantly knitted our family
together.  The boys quickly took on new
roles and new bonds were formed.  The
Lord truly placed this love on our heart for baby A.  I know without a doubt that it is from Him
because it is not “normal” to be able to instantly love a child that is one day
handed to you as much as you love your biological children that you carried for
nine months, birthed, nursed and attended to their every need.  

                        







Quickly in, A became a vital part of our family.  It was as if she had always been a part of
it.  The boys became protective big
brothers and Layton took on (and has fully embraced) a new role as a middle
child.  We have been there for many
milestones.  We have watched her learn to
walk and talk and sing and dance and get teeth and eat new foods.  And we have watched her develop her
personality and as she has become aggressive in defense to the frequent tackles
and shoves but yet be tender and gentle as she is always the first to comfort and
kiss the boy’s boo boos.   We love the sound of her loud shouts and belly
laughs that fills our home.  As time has
passed and love has grown, we acknowledge that the Lord has allowed all of
this.  He has allowed us to love “all in”
knowing that He is our creator and protector of our hearts.  That even if she is in our home for a short
time and that we will one day soon mourn her loss, this time has been fruitful.

                                                                                                                                     






Another instrumental part of our fostering experience has been
the weekly visits with the biological mother which started shortly after she
was placed in our home.  The first time A
went for a visit she was transported by the CPS caseworker.  This was difficult for me to hand my baby off
to a complete stranger to go visit her mother. 
This was really when I began to understand my role as foster mom.  This is when the Lord graciously reminded me
that she isn’t mine, the she belongs to Him and that I must approach the
situation with open hands.  The next week
I took A to the visit and this was my first time to meet her mother.  I was very anxious about meeting her but deep
down inside I was grateful for this opportunity.  Early on in the process as I learned about
mom’s story my heart was deeply burdened for her.  Mom was also a product of foster care and I
could only imagine the experiences she had had. 
What if they were not great and that is all she knows and thinks that
her baby is having similar experiences.  
Weeks passed and every visit we had the opportunity to talk to mom and
get to know her and encourage her.  As
A’s first birthday approached, her mom and I were able to plan a party for her
at a nearby park.  Two families from
completely different cultures and backgrounds came together to celebrate the
life of this baby.  The Lord gave us not
only the opportunity to love on and celebrate with mom but her entire
family.   We entered this process praying for the
opportunity to minister to the biological family, but had no idea the doors
that God would open (and we are praying will continue to open!).  

                                                                                                                                                                  







This process has been a whirlwind and I am anxious to see
how this story plays out.  We are a
foster to adopt home meaning that if the opportunity for adoption arises we
will become a “forever family” for that child. 
Although this is the desire for our family, the Lord has allowed us to
understand our role as foster parents and with that our part in working towards
the end goal of reunification.  Every
since A has been in our home, I have not been able to pray specifically for
adoption.  This is something we want but
at the same time we are aware of the cost. 
It is difficult for me to ask for adoption knowing that it only comes
when the goal is not obtained.  We understand the reality that there will be great loss on either
end.

                                                                                                                                                                







The Lord sustains us each day and we are resting in His
sovereignty (some days better than others). 
We know that He has all the days of A’s life perfectly planned out.  And even if those days do not consist of her
being in our home and even if He is calling her to a difficult life, He has
ordained these days she has been in our home and can use them for His
glory.  He has heard our cries and pleads
for her salvation and generational sin to be broken in her lifetime.  As the end is near and I have no idea how
this all will play out and have absolutely no control or say in any of it.   We can
only trust in Him.  As I rock her and
pray and sing to her each night, I become overwhelmed and grateful for that
day.   His mercies are new each day and
have been felt, especially in the midst of paralyzing fear and sleepless nights.  We pray and covet prayers of perseverance and
trust and protection. We pray that we would love her well even as we prepare
our family for her return home.  We are grateful for
those who have walked with us through this process.  For the wise counsel and sweet friends who have
shed tears alongside us.  Regardless of
how our future plays out, we will be forever grateful for the time the Lord has
given us with this beautiful little girl and all that we have learned through
this process.